Thursday, May 2, 2013

Things Fall Apart (Written May 2, 2012)

I don't know where to begin. My head is spinning.

Yesterday, Mike was arrested. I can't believe I just typed that. I can't believe that this is really happening. Someone stole 130 phones from his work. Clearly, they believe it to be him. I've never known Mike to steal anything. I've always said that he is the best person I have ever known. My husband is sitting in jail.

He went to work yesterday to answer more questions. He brought my cell phone with him, so he could let me know how things went and when he would be home. At 10PM, I finally called his parents and told them about the suspension. 10:30, I called the Chicago Police Department. He will be transferred to 26th and California in the morning to go before a Bond Judge. No other information. I don't even know what a bond judge is. Shouldn't he have called me? Maybe he called a lawyer. The lawyer or someone should have called me.

I am numb. I know I need to eat. I can't. I know I need to sleep. I can't. I don't know where to begin. What am I suppose to do?

There is no money in the bank account. Payday loans. He says he never took out any payday loans. But, there they are on his bank statement, for over a year. He would never take out a payday loan. I didn't even know what they were until all this stuff started to surface. Someone is garnishing his wages. He said he was never notified. Can that be true? Doesn't HR have to notify you by law?

These are things that we have never had to deal with. We've been married since 1999. Mike has always been reliable, trustworthy, and responsible. Then April happened. I can't make sense of any of it. We've always told each other everything. Why now? Why would he all of the sudden change who he is? The alternative to believing that is to believe that someone took his identity over a year ago, that his bank statements were altered or his account was hacked into, that someone stole the landscaping check and then the bank lost it, that someone hacked into his paypal account, as well, and that his work really has nothing on him. Too many things. What's true, what's not? How do I reconcile all of this?

No money. No husband. A 4 month old. What has become of my life? I don't know what to do.

I think I will need to borrow a down payment for an apartment from his parents. Get that squared away. Get the cell phone put in my name. Then file for bankruptcy. I could just leave the house. It's not in my name.

My paycheck is nil until Fall. I have to put us on my crappy insurance. My check will really be nil.

I have to focus on Cooper. He needs me.

Time is moving ever so slow. I keep looking at the clock as if by some miracle it will change things. I'm exhausted but my mind never stops. I am in a constant loop of thought.

We have no money. How am I suppose to get him out of jail? All I have are his parents, they don't seem to know what to do either. I can't even cry. I am numb. Another clock check for no reason. I'm waiting for it to be later, I don't know why. Later will come, and I will still be without answers, without money, without a husband, and with a beautiful baby boy who needs me to have answers, to have money, and to have a Dad.