Things Fall Apart (Written May 2, 2012)

I don't know where to begin. My head is spinning.

Yesterday, Mike was arrested. I can't believe I just typed that. I can't believe that this is really happening. Someone stole 130 phones from his work. Clearly, they believe it to be him. I've never known Mike to steal anything. I've always said that he is the best person I have ever known. My husband is sitting in jail.

He went to work yesterday to answer more questions. He brought my cell phone with him, so he could let me know how things went and when he would be home. At 10PM, I finally called his parents and told them about the suspension. 10:30, I called the Chicago Police Department. He will be transferred to 26th and California in the morning to go before a Bond Judge. No other information. I don't even know what a bond judge is. Shouldn't he have called me? Maybe he called a lawyer. The lawyer or someone should have called me.

I am numb. I know I need to eat. I can't. I know I need to sleep. I can't. I don't know where to begin. What am I suppose to do?

There is no money in the bank account. Payday loans. He says he never took out any payday loans. But, there they are on his bank statement, for over a year. He would never take out a payday loan. I didn't even know what they were until all this stuff started to surface. Someone is garnishing his wages. He said he was never notified. Can that be true? Doesn't HR have to notify you by law?

These are things that we have never had to deal with. We've been married since 1999. Mike has always been reliable, trustworthy, and responsible. Then April happened. I can't make sense of any of it. We've always told each other everything. Why now? Why would he all of the sudden change who he is? The alternative to believing that is to believe that someone took his identity over a year ago, that his bank statements were altered or his account was hacked into, that someone stole the landscaping check and then the bank lost it, that someone hacked into his paypal account, as well, and that his work really has nothing on him. Too many things. What's true, what's not? How do I reconcile all of this?

No money. No husband. A 4 month old. What has become of my life? I don't know what to do.

I think I will need to borrow a down payment for an apartment from his parents. Get that squared away. Get the cell phone put in my name. Then file for bankruptcy. I could just leave the house. It's not in my name.

My paycheck is nil until Fall. I have to put us on my crappy insurance. My check will really be nil.

I have to focus on Cooper. He needs me.

Time is moving ever so slow. I keep looking at the clock as if by some miracle it will change things. I'm exhausted but my mind never stops. I am in a constant loop of thought.

We have no money. How am I suppose to get him out of jail? All I have are his parents, they don't seem to know what to do either. I can't even cry. I am numb. Another clock check for no reason. I'm waiting for it to be later, I don't know why. Later will come, and I will still be without answers, without money, without a husband, and with a beautiful baby boy who needs me to have answers, to have money, and to have a Dad.

Missed Beats

Life has given me a very hard kick. When I say that things are difficult right now, it is a huge understatement. My life has essentially fallen apart. Nothing was as it seemed; however, I had no idea. The last 13 years of my life seem to have been full of half truths and lies. I am completely overwhelmed and feel like I am out of my league. I am feeling my way through it, taking it all day by day. I know that God will help me through it and this too shall pass.

I miss blogging; however, I find it difficult to concentrate. Tonight I am forcing myself. I will not be defined by the enormous mistakes of another. 

I sadly admit that I have missed some beats with blogging my little mister's life. He has changed SOOOOO much during the last two months. Coop started eating solids way back in early May. During the first harsh hit of reality, I found comfort in making his food. He started out with Avocado and has LOVED it ever since!

I started out fairly slowly. Now King Coop enjoys solid food A LOT! His favorites are avocado, bananas, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, apples, pears, and cataloupe. He doesn't seem to like carrots, peas, mangoes, peaches, or green beans....but I keep trying :0)

Coop went from hating tummy time to spending a good deal of his awake time on his tummy. He can't crawl yet, but he is so close! He is really good at rotating around and rolling to where he wants to go. He is quite a mover. He also loves his saucer. He jumps a lot and now throws his toys. I am pretty sure he is playing fetch with me.

He is getting so much hair on top, if it were red, he would totally be Conan O'Brien!

Our cat Liono is super jealous of the time I devote to Coop. If I am on the floor with Cooper, which I am almost ALL the time....Liono is down there, too. He is always trying to get some of the attention. Coop LOVES that cat. He gets super excited to see him and tries to touch him at ever moment. Liono has become a good sport about the whole thing and will let Cooper grab at him and snuggle as long as he is getting rubbed by me, lol.

Five months came and went in a whirlwind. I returned to work full time :( and time seemed to fly by. Suddenly, my tiny little fella wasn't so tiny anymore. I don't have his full stats because there was no doctor visit, but I certainly could estimate. My guess is that he was about 17lbs 12oz and still long! He began wearing 9 month clothing and those little pork chop thighs could just barely fit in the Bumbo chair. He still hates wearing a bib and suddenly barely tolerated his swing....which is super sad for me! We stopped using a sleepsack and started just putting long sleeve pajamas on him and sleep started to get better. Here are some 5 month shots.

We spent the day at Perry Farm for the first time, took some really long walks, and relished in the beautiful weather! We also spent some time at my school.

This last picture was the day before my little miracle turned six months old. I turned his swing around and he fell asleep. I couldn't remember the last time he had napped in his swing. I LOVE seeing him doze in the swing, something about it brings me a peace and love to my heart. My little Coop-a-Loop and I are facing some major challenges right now, our lives are headed in a direction I hadn't anticipated, but I know that God will see us through. 

Giggles and Cereal

It's hard to imagine...one year ago I was ecstatic to realize that the fertility drugs and IUI had worked, yet I was living in a constant state of fear that we would miscarry again. I was prepping for the date that our little one was suppose to arrive. I had a hard time imagining that things would go our way. A year ago, we had our first ultrasound of Mr. Coop. The measurements were perfect, and we saw his heartbeat for the first time.

Where has the time gone? My tiny little fella is tiny no more. He has completely filled out! Coop is 4 months and lovin' it!

Current Weight- 16lbs 10oz (2.6lb gain) 

Current Height- 26 1/2in (1/2-1 inch gain give or take) 

Current Favorites- The monkey on the activity mat, Standing, Taggie Blanket, Winkel, and Chewing on...well anything 

Current Dislikes- Wearing a bib, Being held by anyone other than Mommy and Daddy, the pediatrician's office 

Coop has a great little personality, but he really only shows the real fun loving boy around people he knows well. If I take him to visit others, he pretty much just stares at them with little to no sounds or movements. He reminds me of a deer in headlights. At home though, he yells and babbles so loudly. Mike says he sounds like a baby pterodactyl. He scootches all over his activity mat, even when he is on his belly, he does a little army crawl. He giggles a ton when I say, "I'm gooooooonnna getcha!" I don't even have to touch him and he laughs so hard. He is extremely ticklish, which I exploit like a good Mommy.

When I started writing this post it went something like this...Sleep is still quite an issue. He sleeps for usually 3-4 hours and then loudly demands to be fed. There have been 2 rare instances that he slept for 5 hours...total flukes. The doctor recommended to give him a tablespoon of cereal in his bottle for nighttime feedings, but it hasn't helped his sleep or his reflux. Speaking of reflux we are on medication #2. It is a tablet, which we get to cut in half and put into his mouth. F-U-N! It seems to be helping a bit, but the other one worked for a bit too. Anywho, little Mister usually takes a nice long nap for me in the morning (about 2 hours) and then takes 2 45-60 minute naps in the afternoon. Notice I said "for me" bwhahahaha, this is not the case for anyone else. Mike rarely gets even one good nap. This little guy is me in terms of sleeping habits.


However; the tide seems to be turning! A week ago, the little mister began sleeping for 5 hours at a time!! One night he went 7 (this truly was a fluke though). 5 hours....we'll take it! It usually means just one middle of the night feeding. Very exciting stuff!

Also, we decided to start unswaddling. Mainly because by the time Coop woke, he looked something like this...

I was very worried about unswaddling him. He seemed so dependent on it for falling asleep. So, far...so good though! Yes, it takes him a little longer to fall asleep because his hands are so yummy, but overall, things are going very well!

I am enjoying being back at school. But, it is hard to be away from him for so long. I am definitely counting down to summer, for sure! I can't wait to take him to Brookfield Zoo and the Shedd Aquarium! I am already scared of going back full time in the fall. I guess it's a bridge I will cross when I get to it.

I absolutely adore this little guy. He has brought so much love and joy to my life. I think back to life before, and I simply can't imagine life without him.

This Little Piggy

This little piggy hates the carseat,
This little piggy is handsome,
This little piggy likes to giggle,
And, this little piggy sleep fights,
And, this little piggy went oink, oink, oink every hour in our home!

Ok, I'm not much of a poet, lol. I smell a growth spurt. The little Mister is suddenly eating all of the time! This morning he at 5oz at 9:15 and then 4 1/2oz at 10:45. Oh and by the way, he is still up every 3 hours to chow down.

I have fear in my heart of what is to come...Coop is almost consistently breaking free of his swaddle. I wouldn't mind using a sleepsack, IF he wouldn't become so consumed with gnawing on his hand that he doesn't fall asleep for nearly an hour! I never imagined how much I could talk about sleep habits, it's become an obsession.

Mr. A-Loop visited the big bunny at the mall over the weekend. I was a tad disappointed. I expected Coop to be screaming or what I really wished for was for Coop to sport those big buggy eyes that I adore...

He would have matched the giant wabbit perfectly. Instead, my little feller didn't notice the ginormous germ invested bunny, he stared at the archway of flowers and laid there like a little meatloaf. A tasty little meatloaf that would later need to be disinfected.

Let's go over what my little meatloaf got for Easter...plastic eggs filled with cash, a Tigger rattle, a stuffed duck, a vibrating toy thingy, two outfits, and A SLIDE. That's right my 3 1/2 month old got a slide. It just makes me laugh. His Grandma and Grandpa LOVE him so much, he's just a lucky little guy!

Concentration

Mr. Coop has gotten pretty good at grabbing things. As it would seem, the smaller the better. This morning while we were playing, I gave him a strand of links.

He had them in his tight little fist and had a serious look of concentration on his face. He stared at his hand and sloooooowly pulled it towards his mouth. Missed. Tried it again. Missed. I tried to help him, but I could see that he REALLY wanted to get that link in his mouth himself. Try and try as he might, he just couldn't do it. He started crying. I felt bad for him, but it was still unbelievably cute to watch.

Also, after weeks of playing in his bouncer...

He finally realized that the hanging crab that lights up and plays music is in response to his movements. He stared intently on it and whacked the hanging star. It lit up and played. Then it stopped. And, Whack! It played again. His little light bulb went off and it was amazing. I am soooo excited to see all of his little light bulb moments.

Sleep Fighter!

Sleep fighter! Sleep Fighter! I sing this as I play with the Little Misters' legs. I make him kick and I say "KaChow!" He gets a kick out of it and smiles and giggles....which by the way is one of the BEST things I've ever heard in my life. He really giggles now!

Cooper is a sleep fighter. He doesn't fight sleep all the time, just his afternoon nap naps. He's got a little schedule now, which is great, but literally only works if he is with his Fallible Mommy and stays at home ALL day. Just a smidge picky. Anyway, he goes down for his 10AM ish nap pretty well. Swaddle him, turn him on his side, and set the swing to 4 and he's good to go for anywhere between 1 1/2- 2 1/4 hours. Then around noonish, he eats...then we play. Then almost always, he sleep fights. I can put him down at 1:30...sleep fight. I can put him down at 2:00...sleep fight. He will squirm and depending on his mood, he will eventually sleep or SCREAM like he's on fire. No matter what he will eventually sleep for no more than an hour usually. Rinse and repeat. He then has a late afternoon nap which I cannot break him of-where he fights off sleep for about 30-45 minutes. He doesn't usually cry, he squirms and tries sooooo hard to keep his eyes open.

Bedtime is usually between 6:15-6:45. He eats and goes to sleep with relative ease. Then he wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat and then goes right back to sleep. I am grateful that he goes right back to sleep, but I truly long for a 5 hour stretch....5 hours for both Mike and I would be heavenly.

Oh and by the way...the next person that tells me that there child didn't sleep through the night until they were 2...3....4...5...6....I'm gonna punch in the ovary. OK not really, but you get the point.

Shedding and Shoes

Over the weekend I went out with a friend. We went to see The Hunger Games along with the rest of the population....it was awesome, not as awesome as the book but hey, do you know any movie that was better than the book? Anywho, after the movie we went out to have cocktails and, in my case, one too many cocktails is two. How sad. I decided to bestow my "having a baby" wisdom on her. Poor thing!

My "having a baby" wisdom included things that I was not prepared for. Things like....if you plan on delivering the old fashioned way, you better start doing P90X to prepare for it. I was prepared for a certain region to be in pain, I was not prepared for my entire body to feel like I had been hit by a semi. Seriously, every part of my being was in pain! Why didn't Jenny McCarthy warn me? Also, I was prepped in advance for the nurses to come in a press down on my abdomen....I was not prepared for the "crime scene" that followed the pressing. EWE. The last thing I was not ready for was the shedding. My hair began falling out 12 weeks post delivery. It is now 15 weeks post semi hit and I'm losing hair like a Siberian Husky in the summer. For reals.

Now onto shoes, oh, and socks. First, why does my three month old need no skid socks? Um, he's only rolled over once, he most certainly does not need no skid socks. I'lll tell you what he does need, some socks that stay on! Hey Gerber, Carters, Target...what the frick? He kicks those off in two shakes of a lambs tail. I love seeing those little sausage toes, so I guess I can live with falling socks.

My boy is a shoeless wonder. I find no need to add a necessary step to dressing Mr. A-Loop. But, I read a many blog and I shop around A LOT and it would seem that I may be the only Mommy out there who does not put shoes on her son. He's got one pair, and the poor little guy hasn't even wore them. I was out shopping yesterday and I saw a couple with twins who couldn't be more than 6 weeks old...both of them had on shoes. They have enough time and patience to put shoes on 4 feet. I'm too busy putting wrist rattles on his leg as if he wearing an ankle monitor and sunglasses because he looks like he might be blinded on a cloudy day.

The Tragic Life and Times of Liono Baggins

Once upon a time there was were two kittens named Sunny and Daisy. They were born in March of 2000. Sunny and Daisy spent the first months of their existence in a small cage in Chicago Heights. In July 2000, they were adopted by a loving couple...who promptly changed their lame names to Liono and Cheetara. They would forever be Thundercats to all.

Liono and the Mrs. had a bond like no other. She adored the cat and he in return, adored her. Without words or actions, she always knew what he wanted. Liono was not the best kitty on the block. He enjoyed chewing cords, climbing on things he shouldn't, singeing his hair on candles, sleeping curled up in the bathroom sink, running outside whenever he had a chance, and crying incessantly and loudly for the couple to wake up in the middle of the night. Yet, she loved the cat. Mrs. and Liono cuddled together on the couch and in bed. She adorned him with affection. He was her baby.

And, then this happened....

Mrs. got pregnant. Liono KNEW something was different and in response, he became different. At first, he stopped following her around and wanting to cuddle. She would call his name and he would just glare at her. As the months progressed, he eventually came back to her; however, he began to pull his hair out and just seemed to be depressed. The vet agreed. The girl began to give him more attention and things started to get better for the kitty and the girl. He was still a bit hesitant but just couldn't pinpoint what was amiss.

And, then this happened...

The couple brought home a new creature. The newest addition was far more needy than Liono Baggins and louder too. Liono tried to be the focus...climbing on the girl as she fed the creature, pulling out more hair and leaving it throughout the house, ignoring the creature as he tried to wiggle himself onto her lap....nothing seemed to work. The girl was consumed and gave every ounce of attention to the new addition. He thought if he just waited patiently the creature would be returned to wherever it came from.

As time went on, Liono began to adjust and the girl tried to give him more attention. Slowly, things began to fall into a new normal for the kitty. And then, the girl went back to work. And, depression has set in once again. Liono Baggins seems sad once again. He is pulling out chunks of hair and leaving it throughout the house. Try as she might, it will never be the same attention as he once got. Things will never be the same.

I love my cat. I wish I could make all the changes easier on him. He turned 12 years old this month. Happy Birthday Liono Baggins. You are still loved.

Tasty Obsessions

So, throughout my pregnancy I had seriously insane acid reflux...I couldn't indulge in like any cravings. Virtually everything I ate came back up. I found that I was able to eat one thing without any problems...the best salad I ever ate. I am still ob.sess.ed with this salad. I could eat it EVERYDAY! Here it is...

My favorite. Anything else just won't do.

Red Onion...a MUST

Perfect.

Roma Tomatoes (diced)

Cucs

     

Who Knew?

No, not Craisins...

 

Perfectly seasoned

Regular shred- not fine

 

Marinade Chicken Breast in this and grill it up!

 LOVE IT! Now to balance this out. I am addicted to McDonalds Mocha Frappe's. There is absolutely nothing good about these. They are like heaven in a cup...heaven that is all sugar, all carbs, all calories, all fattening, all goodness. Do yourself a favor and stay away.

My other current tasty obsession are King Coop's feet. They are fat. They are always clapping together. They are very monkey-like. I l.o.v.e them and as it turns out...I am not alone! When Bridget brought Mr. Aloop to school on Friday, he and I took a quick stroll through the building and his feet were kissed by no less than 3 people. A calorie free option. Just stop by and enjoy!

 Today I formally introduced Cooper to Sophie the Giraffe and apparently, she tastes almost as good as his hands.

Hands down his favorite tasty obsession is his brand new Lovey, I just can't call it that. We'll just call it his Blanky.

How stinking cute is that? I bought it on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/shop/MyRaggyObsession?ref=pr_shop_more I chose this pattern because of the black, he really likes looking at black things and the back is made of super soft turquoise minky. It has encouraged his fists of fury to open up and grab. Num, num, num....it tastes soooo good.

"You're not going to take this away are you?"

 

Perspective

Oh, the weather outside is.....GORGEOUS! It has been crazy warm here in The Bourley, upper 70's-low 80's and sunny. My kind of weather :0) So, why then are you plopped on the couch blogging? My goal today was to take Coop for a looooong walk and possibly do some shopping or at least browsing at the mall and Kohls.

Yesterday, Mike ran over the tire of the stroller. The stroller that I adore. It is broke. I cannot be fixed. :(

Chicco Keyfit travel system. I know some people hate the travel systems, but I have loved it. The stroller, while it may be a bit heavy, is so easy to open up and fold up...the carseat snaps in perfectly. It has been super convenient. I could go out and buy a stroller frame for the carseat, but we would still have to buy a stroller. Have I mentioned I love the stroller? We can buy the Chicco Keyfit stroller separately but it will no longer match and it will now be a lovely yellow or red or some cube print...ick.

When I was about to flip my lid after Mike had told me, I was talking to my co-workers, who did their best to keep me in check. One of them said, "at least Coop wasn't in the stroller"....for real, if that doesn't help put things into perspective I don't know what will.

Newborn No More

Yep, that's right Lil Mister...you are officially an infant. I can't believe how quickly the last month went!

Current Weight- 14lbs 4 oz (1.6lb gain)
Current Height- 26in (1 inch gain)
Current Favorites- Houdini moves with the Swaddleme, Pattycake with feet, "Eat the feet, numnumnum", Ceiling fans, New mobile, babbling on the activity mat
Current Dislikes- Tummy Time, Wearing a bib, Being expected to wait any amount of time to eat

I went about Googling what 3 months old meant for shiggles and here's what...

According to Fisher-Price.com, my three month old's sleeping and eating patterns have become more predictable. This my dear friends is not just funny but is laugh out loud funny. Coop will not be a man of routine, let alone predictable in nature. No siree. He is gonna keep me on my toes. Just when you think you've got the feeding down to a science of 5oz every 3 hours, he'll throw a wrench in it and just eat an ounce and then watch you cry as you pour that liquid gold down the drain. Bwhahaha!

WebMd says that he should be giving me some well needed rest. Bwhahahaha says Cooper!

Also, my three month old is "touching, grabbing, and feeling everything in reach". No not Cooper...he mainly is sporting fists of fury still. Occasionally, he will reach out and grab my hair, just to show me who the boss of the applesauce is.

Smartmomma.com says that Coop can "briefly" bear weight on his legs. Coop scoffs at the word brief. We are pretty sure he will bypass crawling and go straight into sprinting.

Well, I am not really caring what "they" all have to say. This little boy is completely rocking my world. He is absolutely perfect. He seems to just be taking everything in still, he stares intently on our mouths and saves his coos for times when he really has something important to share...like cures to diseases and such. I think that one day he will just go crazy with babbling, he's going to make us wait. He knows that we waited a loooong time for him and as it turns out, the juice was worth the squeeze.

Back in the Saddle

Business Casual by Cooper

 

I am no longer a stay at home Mommy. I went back to teaching Kindergarten yesterday. I was pretty excited to see my little "Kinder-Hoppers" again. I have a great bunch of kids this year :0) I think everyone expected me to be sad throughout the day, but it never came. I think it helps that I am blessed that my school administration and board allowed me to work Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's through the remainder of the year. It also helped that Monday's my little guy will stay at home with his Grandma, Wednesday's, he will work with Daddy from home, and on Friday's he will stay with my good friend Bridget. I know he will be well taken care of and loved. We are so lucky!

Holy Moly! I was EX.HAUST.ED when I got home! Oh, and so was King Coop...Grandma gave him 3 naps between 6:30AM and 4PM. Three naps totalling 3 1/2 hours for the day. But, this Mommy was tired...I'm yawning just thinking about it. I; however, did not take any naps...plus I had to get our classroom back in shape, teach, and do Peanut Butter, Tony Chestnut, and My Mother is a Baker with my kiddos because singing and dancing are some of the best parts of Kindergarten!

The weather is finally nice here and I was able to take Mr. A-Loop for a long walk on Sunday. To prove what a sleep fighter he is...he stayed awake the entire time. Then Mike took him for a walk later on, in hopes to get a nap outta him. He continued his sleep fighting ways. This boy is just like me! We are in for a loooong sleepless road. I am going to take him over to Perry Farm today and walk and walk and walk....we'll see how long he can fight it off.